The Onion: Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

News Type: Other — Seeded on Wed Jul 30, 2008 11:55 AM EDT

Article Source: The Onion

religion, environment, space, satire, al-gore, gore, not-news, superman, environmentalism, the-onion, dont-take-this-serioiusly

Seeded by Killfile

Former vice president Al Gore—who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our planet, only to be mocked and derided by the very people he has tried to save—launched his infant son into space Monday in the faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.

"I tried to warn them, but the Elders of this planet would not listen," said Gore, who in 2000 was nearly banished to a featureless realm of nonexistence for promoting his unpopular message. "They called me foolish and laughed at my predictions. Yet even now, the Midwest is flooded, the ice caps are melting, and the cities are rocked with tremors, just as I foretold. Fools! Why didn't they heed me before it was too late?"

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2.8

{"commentId":2320739,"authorDomain":"killfile"}

Killfile

I love that they remembered to name him Kal-Al. As soon as I saw the story my first thought was "the kid has to be Kal-Al"

{"commentId":2320739,"threadId":"322627","contentId":"1706852","authorDomain":"killfile"}

#1 - Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:14 PM EDT

{"commentId":2322763,"authorDomain":"Spaman"}

Spaman

Ah, so thats why he helped to create carbon credits, so he could grow rich ...and build a spaceship for his baby son

... but did you see the size of the pod - the elf n safety people really should have been asked to look it over - what will the poor baby live on, while his body tries to 10x its current size, for even at the speed of light.... and that we are told is not possible - it will take 4 years to get to the nearest star, and heavens only knows if the population is friendly or if the physics of that solar system will induce super powers in the infant..

....but worse if the child doesn't die of starvation or thirst, and the rocket has enough fuel to reach another planet, surely the pod will have squashed him to death as his body expanded.

I think its time the police were involved - the charge; sending his own son out to certain death in an experimental rocket that nobody has ever tested....

He really has a dark side to him, this Gore-al

{"commentId":2322763,"threadId":"322627","contentId":"1706852","authorDomain":"Spaman"}

2 votes

#2 - Wed Jul 30, 2008 3:24 PM EDT

{"commentId":2324503,"authorDomain":"ezeques"}

ezeques

Can I go along?

{"commentId":2324503,"threadId":"322627","contentId":"1706852","authorDomain":"ezeques"}

1 vote

#3 - Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:57 PM EDT

{"commentId":2328417,"authorDomain":"Spaman"}

Spaman

Only if you are no taller than 18 inches, and you are a prospective super being

{"commentId":2328417,"threadId":"322627","contentId":"1706852","authorDomain":"Spaman"}

1 vote

#3.1 - Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:12 AM EDT

{"canLink":false,"threadId":"322627","isPrivate":false}

KILLFILE

Backyard

The Onion: Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

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